Trying to make some good out of the bad...

Today we got out and "explored" the town and area. It was fun. It was nice to at least try to make some good out of the bad. We went to Estes Park, CO and seen some more of the mountains. We are staying at the foot of the mountains, but it was neat to actually drive through them. The roads got quite narrow at times, but it was fun. Between Granny's driving and Brett's navigation the trip was quite entertaining to say the least. We stopped at a Visitors Center to get some information on the area. Apparently the lady mentioned the Grand RIVER being close by...somehow Brett heard the Grand CANYON out of that. He was really excited and "navigated" us to, what he thought was the Grand Canyon, but really we went to the Grand River, which was closed for the winter so we didn't even get to see that. Needless to say, we did not see the Grand Canyon either. It was still fun though and we just made a big loop back to our hotel so we could sight see.

We are staying across from Colorado University and, as I had said before, the town looks kind of run down. The other side of town seemed a lot nicer, even though we still couldn't find a Wal-Mart! The buildings were older and historic looking, but at least it was nicer than our "run down" part of town. A lot of people walk to their destinations around here and there are a lot of cyclist. They pretty much have the same food chains around here as in Missouri also. Still haven't found a Dunkin' Donuts though.

We found the Clinic we will be going to tomorrow. I thought it was a little scary looking. Mainly because it was a fenced in building with lots of security cameras surrounding the perimeter. The hospital was right across the street though, so I guess that was a little reassuring. Hopefully that just means they have good security. I am really scared that there will be protesters there. Brett and Granny say they will fight them off, but it's just the fact of the matter. I would rather them just not be there at all! I keep telling myself that what we are going is right and I know in my heart that it is, but that certainly doesn't make following through with it any easier. I just keep reminding myself of how much happier Raelyn will be up in Heaven and how she will be able to live such a better life in the House of the Lord. She will be up there with so many great people! My momma, who I already know will absolutely love having her. I'm sure if there is a gas station up in Heaven they will be visiting it often for hotdogs and cappuccino. My Grandpa Kneller, who will spoil the tar out of her and give her all the chocolate kisses she can eat. Or trick her, like he always used to do me, and give her the "real" kisses instead of the "chocolate" ones. He will let her stand up, on the seat of his truck right beside him, as they drived down the roads of Heaven, just like I used to do. Hopefully she won't lock him out of his truck though like I did when I was 3. Then there is my Great Grandma Butcher who will love her a bushel and peck and a hug around the neck! There are so very many people up there from Brett's family also, and I know, without a doubt, that not only will she be loved just as much up there, but she will be spoiled like crazy. In my heart, as hard as it is to say, I know she will have such a better life up there. I truly think that Jesus can offer her so much more at this point. Despite any "imperfections", complications, or special needs she may have here on earth, in Heaven she will have none. I don't personally care about any of that and if I felt for one second that she could live on this earth without any pain or suffering, I would change my mind in a heartbeat about our decision. God has other plans for her though. That is one thing that I firmly believe. She will always be our first daughter, that is a fact that no one can ever change. When I am asked wether I have any children, I will reply, "yes, a daughter. Her name is Raelyn". Her siblings will know that they have a big sister who watches over them from Heaven and is their own personal guardian angel, who is will them at all times.