Thursday, October 6, 2011

It's been a while...

Well I'm not even sure where to start.  So much has been on my mind lately.  We celebrated our neices 1st birthday yesterday.  It has been amazing to watch her grow.  It seems like just yesterday she was an infant and now she is walking around, getting into everything.  We love that little girl so much.  Sometimes my heart hurts though because I wish we were watching our own daughter grow.  I look at Raelyn's ultrasound pics or even her tiny handprints and still have my moments.  I miss her so much.  She will always have a piece of my heart.  It seems like everyone is having babies or finding out their pregnant.  I'm not really sure how I feel about that.  I find myself having baby fever at times, but then I think about what we went through and it scares me to death.  I feel like it was a bad scene from a horror movie or something.  Those couple of days have been etched into my mind forever.  No one knows the heartache I still feel to this day. 

I've been feeling like nothing good ever seems to happen to me lately.  I've been going through some things with my dad and have had several run-ins with "bad luck" lately.  My dad had kinda hit rock bottom with his depression and things got totally out of control.  It was so scary to see him the way I had to see him.  He looked like a mad man.  I spent my birthday trying to get him help...and I'm pretty sure it was the worst birthday I've ever had but I would do it again in a heartbeat if I knew it would help my daddy.  Thankfully I had amazing support from the rest of my family and they really stood behind me.  I know he didn't like us to much in the beginning but I'm pretty sure he is glad he had the oppurtunity to get the help he needed.  He was able to go to a really good hospital where he could get the help he needed.  Since he has been out I can tell a tremendous improvement.  It's almost like he is a new person.  He has even gained 20 pounds!! That seems like a lot, but that is exactly what he needed...he looks healthy again.  I've lost my mother and I sure don't want to lose my daddy, especially to something senseless.  I know I can not control who he hangs out with or who goes around him, but I can at least try to get him the help he needs when he needs it.

So I had started writting this a week or so ago and I am just getting around to finishing it.  I have been terrible about getting on here and I promise to try to better.  Life is just so busy and hectic these days! ♥

1 comment:

  1. Looking back it will always seem like a scene from a horror movie, but hold on, things will get better I promise. The pain will never fully go away but it does dull with time. Just remember your angel wants you to be happy again. Hang in there *hugs